Drama heavy, but I promise some good things in here, too.
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and a few amazing things and other terrible things too. Such is life.
I'll break this down b/c it'll be long.
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Yeeaahhh that was a lot. But I had to let it out or else I'd probably implode. Whether you read my fictional stories or my real life rambles, I will always have to say this: Thank you for reading. <3333
- Tags:change, family, finding happiness in sorrow, goodbyes, hermit hulia, outings, partii partii, rant, sigh, the future freaks me out, warmfuzzies, world traveller julia, wow these tags are a throwback lol
I was starting to write some melancholy series of tweets about not being able to write because life sucks, but then I remembered how much I miss LiveJournal. How I had a group of friends, a mix of people I knew personally and people I grew close to online, read about my day or about my thoughts or my rants or lamenting and they would leave comments. I did the same for them, of course, and it was a great shared outlet for all of us. I miss those days.
It's not something that mainstream social media allows us to do — I mean, I don't feel comfortable posting a journal-type post on my Facebook feed. Not just on Facebook, but posting anywhere is really mostly about showing the fun, happy, positive side of life. Something I haven't been able to do lately. People go through hard times and they deal. I'm going through them and I guess I'm in the learning phase of this kind of 'hard times' but MY GOD is it... hard. Maybe I'm just self-conscious, but I can't bring myself to share my own feelings on a feed/timeline that's post after post of good things.
And then, on other sites,
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like Reddit there are posts that are full of the complete opposite, and still, here I am not wanting to contribute to the "sad people" comment section.
"Judgement has a way of creeping into every relationship. If we're lucky, somewhere along the way we meet a few people who listen to us without criticism or approach. We call those people our friends."
Lol okay, I'm updating.
A month before I had to come back to Cali, I thought of songs that fit me going back home. Here are some:
*- "Home" by Daughtry. But I didn't like the line, "These places and these faces are getting old," because I will never get sick of a lot of places in England. Or faces. :)
*- "Home" by Michael Buble. He mentions Paris and Rome, and I've been to those places! I was surrounded by, a million people I, ... never felt alone. So this song was out too x)
*- "Sweet Home Alabama" by [I forgot] I still remember one night when me and some of my friends had hot pot and my friend Steven sang, "Sweet Home California"!!!!!!!!
*- "Home Sweet Home" [recently sung by] Carrie Underwood. Every time a contestant was kicked off, I always thought of home because of Carrie. haha. I'm on my waaayyyy... home sweeet hoooome....
*- "California" by Phantom Planet. California, here I come, right back where I started from.
Okay I'm done. The last two songs fit, I think. I'm home now. It's been one week since I left England. I started looking for jobs already, decided not to go to school this summer, but lately just been lounging at home [playing The Sims 2!]. I went to the movies on Monday with Mom and my sister. We saw Up, which is another great film by Disney/Pixar. And today I drove for the first time since last July-August! I didn't drive at all in England, but for some reason I would be convinced that I should be driving on the left side of the road. lol.
A lot of my friends are graduating/have graduated this week, in Irvine and everywhere in Cali, and also in Portsmouth! Congratulations, everyone! I'm with you in spirit, always! I still have up to a year before I get to walk.
I'm now waiting to go to my cousin Kevin's birthday party. I'm sure it'll be big since all my family is going, including my mom's side of the family. And my Kevin's friends will be there too, I bet. Did I mention it's his 21st? It's gonna be massiiiive. Also, Happy Birthday to Anais!! And Happy Birthday to Brintharrr!!! I want to go to England to celebrate their birthdays with them.. but for now, I'll send them internet hugs~~~
It's 7am PST. 3pm GMT. I've been home for maybe 15 hours now. Had a long sleep and will sleep some more(My bed is awesomely comfortable!!!) My mind and my body is still in transition mode. I feel like I'm both not completely gone from Portsmouth but I am not completely back in LA. How many times did I say, "Oh my God!!!" as the plane landed? Not really sure.
I had a great last night in Portsmouth, though. I spent it with some of my closest friends(shoutout to the Malaysian gang, my second family lol ♥), and I was up all night, and some friends even visited me before I took the taxi out of Langstone. There was about a million people I didn't get to say goodbye to, which makes me sad. But I still have them all on Facebook, and I'm definitely going to keep in touch. To Portsmouth, to London, to England and everyone I've met in it, I'll never forget you and everything you've brought into my life. Thank you so much. I'LL DEFINITELY COME BACK TO VISIT.
It's great to be home, though. Actually I had maybe a total of 2 hours of sleep within a 48 hour time period so I was too tired to marvel at being back home. Hmm, I think the first thing I noticed was the lack of strictness going through US customs. I remember through UK customs I was asked a bunch of questions while they thoroughly investigated my passport before stamping. The dude in US custom asked me one question and stamped my passport without even looking at me. Hahaha, welcome homee.
I think I will go back to sleep. I didn't get to reach 100 posts. There's so much I want to do now that I'm here, and there's a lot of things that need to be done. But now I just want to sleep.
p.s. last night I had Filipino food. Lechon, Dinuguan... I've missed this!! I could cry with happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's the very last Thursday of the semester, so hundreds of people went to the biggest club on Thursday nights, Tiger Tiger. My friends and I didn't even get in! I waited for my friends, then got into the queue, moved forward 2 feet within about 45 minutes waiting until someone announced the club was full, & they would allow people in as people left from the club. VIPs didn't even get to go in.
So my friends ditched it and we just hung out at a friend's friend's place for a bit. So strange how some flats are above shops and stuff. We walked through a walkway between two buildings(I didn't even realize the walkway was there! It had the ~Harry Potter~ effect I guess) And we got to the place through the staircase behind a foodshop. Craziness.
Got back to my home for 2 more nights. So the huge night out I highly, highly anticipated ended up extremely anticlimactic. I've never queued to get into a club before LOL. Interesting atmosphere. Everyone was just standing there quietly. Nothing rough happened. But the funny thing is, I don't really care at all that I didn't get to dance the night away. I didn't spend any money tonight, but I did spend time with friends. :) I did say goodbye to people and these goodbyes have been quite sad. Surprised I haven't cried yet. I know it hit me but maybe I've gotten to the point of acceptance.
Last Friday in Portsmouth. I'm freaking out--I need to be packed and have the room cleaned in 14.5 hours. I know I'll be able to do it. But. ugghhh. Let it begin. Omg I'm staring at myself in the mirror right now and my eyes are pretty big.
10:30 In my room. La la la.. oh wait, I need to go into town to eat lunch with a friend. She's paying. (Thanks for the lunch, Meri!)
13:30 Ohhh hey, I ended up in Portland Building! In the computer lab there was a sign that said, "Quiet Please--Civil Engineers at work!!" Then why are half the computer screens in the room showing Facebook? Ah well, time to study
15:15 Hmm, Time to change my environment. I will study on the grass outside of the SC building. The sun is out and there is a nice breeze.(It's seriously Irvine-on-a-beach-day weather) La la la
16:00 I can't get this problem!!! Time to change again. Going inside the SC building now.. oh.. there's no one in there but the employees... I feel like they are watching me.. why don't they watch the TV, happy music videos are on anyway.. gah, change.
16:30 Hello, library.
Strange to say, but that was kind of fun. People study in different places for "a change of environment" so today I ended up living that phrase out to the best of my abilities.
And the time afterward included a dinner and a little break that increased because I missed the uni bus. But it was a good break in town. I will miss this town, and all the people I met in it. I'm going to repeat that so so so so so so much.
(looking to the home front though, the International Office at UCI sent a newsletter for returning students--i.e. me--about the outlook on going home. It was a very comforting read.)